Jerry Springer: Your ExLover, Her Reincarnation
by Inuome
Summary: Inu-yasha on Jerry Springer. hehe. Eeeexcellent. Kagome and Kikyo go at it, Inu-yasha makes a confession, and Miroku is as lecherous as ever. 3 chapters. Please R&R. I beg you! ^_^
1. In the Beginning

*We now see Jerry Springer walking through the crowd, shaking hands and greeting his guest. A wild chant rises from the crowd.*  
  
Crowd: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!  
  
*Jerry pretends to be surprised by the praise from his loyal trailer park followers*  
  
Jerry: Thank You! Thank You! And Welcome to the show. I have a question..what would you do if Your Ex-lover...  
  
Crowd: OOOOOOO!  
  
Jerry: ..and her Reincarnation, were fighting over you?  
  
Man #1 from Crowd: Be A Very Lucky Man!  
  
*Sango is seen running up to the man*  
  
Sango: Shut up, Fool! Let him get on with it!  
  
*Sango slaps to man...the crowd cheers*  
  
Jerry: Okay then! Let's meet our first guest, the man of the ladies.hehe.Inu-Yasha!  
  
*Inu-Yasha growls and walks out on the stage, the crowd boo's*  
  
Crowd: Booooo!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Shud-up! You don't know me! You don't know me! What! What! What then?!  
  
*Kagome walks out on the stage blushing, she whispers in his ear*  
  
Kagome: Just cause they did that on the show before us doesn'tmean you do it too. You don't even know what your saying do you?  
  
*Inu-Yasha whispers back*  
  
Inu-Yasha: Okay, okay. What of it? I mean what are they going to do to me? Huh?  
  
*Just then and tomato fly's in from the crowd, smashing into the side of his head*  
  
Inu-Yasha: I get it..I get it.  
  
*Kagome rushes off the stage, leaving Inu-Yasha to wipe his face off*  
  
Jerry: Hello, Inu-Yasha. Welcome to the show. Would you like to tell me why you are here?  
  
Inu-Yasha: Hell if I know.  
  
Jerry: What do you mean?  
  
Inu-Yasha: I didn't sign up for this crap.  
  
Jerry: Who did then?  
  
Inu-Yasha: I don't know..if I did, I'd beat the tar out of em'.  
  
Shadowy Figure: I did it! It was I!  
  
Jerry: And who are you?  
  
Shadowy Figure: I am..  
  
*Inu-Yasha punches him square in the jaw*  
  
Crowd: Oh! Ah! AMAZING!  
  
Jerry: What did you do that for?  
  
Inu-Yasha: I'm a man of my word.  
  
Shadowy Figure: I'm.okay.  
  
Jerry: Who are you?  
  
Shadowy Figure: My name is.  
  
Inu-Yasha: Feh. Shut up and quit acting all mysterious, Miroku.  
  
*Miroku jumps up off the floor*  
  
Miroku: How'd you know it was I?  
  
Inu-Yasha: Simple.I saw ya groping some girl in the audience.  
  
Girl: EEEEEEEE!  
  
Jerry: Whats the matter?  
  
Girl: He was sitting by me! And I thought they were vibrating seats! *Girl runs down the stairs and out the door*  
  
Miroku: Aw. I thought she was aware of it.  
  
Jerry: Sorry to interrupt you, but it's time for a break.be right back!  
  
*Scene fades out, and a boy is seen, running through the streets*  
  
Ranma: It's not my fault you are a not-cute girl!  
  
Akane: Shut-up! I'll get you for that!  
  
*She can be seen, carrying a pot, full of water*  
  
Ranma: Stop it! I was hungry! I will never eat your sushi again! Trust me! And I'll never comment on your looks or your cooking ever again!  
  
Akane: I know you won't! Not at least when I get through with you!  
  
*She catches him and dumps the water on him. He's now a girl*  
  
Ranma: Now you didn't have to do that!  
  
Akane: Well, that will teach you not to eat my sushi, then talk about me being ugly! Hmph!  
  
*She walks away leaving him to pout*  
  
Ranma: Please! Warm up some water for me!  
  
Akane: Syke!  
  
*A man can be seen coming on the screen*  
  
Snickers Man: Don't let hunger, happen to you!  
  
*Scene fades back to Jerry Springer*  
  
Jerry: Welcome back to the show!  
  
Crowd: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!  
  
Jerry: Okay.let's meet our second guest.Inu-Yasha's Ex-Lover! Kikyo!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Ex.Lo.Lo.LOVER?! 


	2. All hell breaks loose

*Kikyo can now be seen walking on the stage*  
  
Jerry: Um, uh, I don't think those arrows and bow will really be necessary, what about you Steve?  
  
Steve: If you don't want her to have them, take them from her yourself, I ain't going near her.  
  
*Kikyo eyes Jerry, daring him to do something about it*  
  
Jerry: Uh, *sweat*, um, I think it will be okay, now, come to think of it. *sweat*  
  
*Kikyo takes the chair to the right of Inu-yasha*  
  
Jerry: Welcome to the show. *sweat*  
  
Kikyo: Do I intimidate you?  
  
Jerry: No, not at all, heh, heh.  
  
Kikyo: I should.  
  
Jerry: Um, okay, whatever you say.  
  
Inu-yasha: Can we get on with it? I don't have all day.  
  
*Miroku whispers to Kikyo*  
  
Miroku: Hey, after the show, you want to get together or.  
  
Inu-yasha: Watch it, monk.  
  
Miroku: Right.  
  
Jerry: Okay! Kikyo, why don't you tell us why you're here.  
  
Kikyo: The Lecherous Monk brought me on here, but since I'm here, I will tell my story.  
  
*Inu-yasha groans*  
  
Kikyo: I am here to take Inu-yasha to hell with me.  
  
Crowd: OOOOOO! Goodness!  
  
Inu-yasha: Feh. I'm not going anywhere. It's not my time to.  
  
Kikyo: Do you not love me anymore?  
  
Inu-yasha: Gee! I have to whiz. Is there a bathroom anywhere?  
  
Kikyo: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!  
  
Inu-yasha: Ok! I think of you everyday. There isn't one day that goes by, that I don't think of you.  
  
Kikyo: Then come with me.  
  
Inu-yasha: I, I.  
  
Miroku: DON'T LOOK INTO HER EYES! SHE'S EVIL! I TELL YA! EVIL!  
  
*Kagome rushes onto the stage*  
  
Kagome: I'm not going to stand by anymore and watch you brainwash him! He's not going anywhere! He's staying here, with me, and his friends! The ones that care enough about him to not want him to go to Hell! So there!  
  
*Miroku whispers to Jerry*  
  
Miroku: That's pretty harsh words, for her, I mean.  
  
Jerry: Right. Let's sit down. I think they are handling the show pretty well with out me.  
  
*Kikyo stands up*  
  
Kikyo: Just who do you think you're talking to?  
  
Kagome: A no good, stinking, rotten, dead, broad, who can't get over the thought of her crush liking someone other than her!  
  
*Kikyo rushes towards Kagome. She starts pulling at her hair.*  
  
Kikyo yells: AND WHO DO YOU THINK THAT IS?! YOU?! DID HE EVER TELL YOU HE LOVES YOU?! LIKE HE DID ME?!  
  
*Kagome pulls away from her and runs full speed towards her, tackling her to the ground. She bangs Kikyo's head on the floor*  
  
Kagome screams: THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT! HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE! HE'S MINE YOU DEAD TRAMP! *BANG BANG*  
  
*Inu-yasha blushes. He gets up and tries to pull them apart. After a while, he's successful.  
  
Inu-yasha: Please, can't we talk about this like civilized demons and priestesses?  
  
*Kikyo shoves him out of the way*  
  
Miroku: I wish women would fight over me like that.  
  
Jerry: Really.  
  
*Kikyo grabs an arrow*  
  
Kikyo: I'll settle this once and for all! Kagome! DIE!  
  
*Kikyo shoots her arrow, aiming right for Kagome's heart.*  
  
Inu-yasha: Curse it!  
  
*Inu-yasha jumps into Kagome, falling to the ground and landing on top of her. The arrow whizzes by.*  
  
Kagome: I-Inu-yasha?  
  
*The arrow heads for Miroku, he ducks, and the arrow makes contact. Right into Jerry's chest*  
  
Steve: AHHHH! Crazy Chick with ARROWS! Run for the Hills!  
  
*Steve runs out the doors*  
  
Crowd: Mumble-mumble.  
  
*Kikyo's eyes seem to burn with fire, she grabs another arrow*  
  
Kikyo: Get out of my way Inu-yasha! She is going to die!  
  
Inu-yasha: Grab her, Miroku!  
  
Miroku: With pleasure!  
  
Inu-yasha: Not like that!  
  
*Inu-yasha was too late, Miroku was already up and running towards Kikyo. He grabbed her around the waste and lifted her onto his shoulder*  
  
Kikyo: EEEEE! Let me down!  
  
Miroku: *Girlish giggle* Hey! Where's the nearest Hotel?!  
  
*Miroku runs out the doors, with Kikyo screaming and kicking all the way*  
  
Jerry: Call-someone-911-help.  
  
Inu-yasha: Are you okay?  
  
Jerry: Oh-yeah. Just-peachy.  
  
Inu-yasha: I wasn't talking to you!  
  
Kagome: I'm fine.  
  
*Inu-yasha helps her off the floor.*  
  
Inu-yasha: Wow. That was interesting.  
  
Kagome: hmm.  
  
Inu-yasha: What's wrong?  
  
Kagome: Did you really tell Kikyo, you, love her?  
  
*Inu-yasha looks down*  
  
Inu-yasha: That was a long time ago.  
  
Kagome: Do you love me?  
  
*Inu-yasha looks up at her*  
  
Inu-yasha: I just realized, I do. Sincerely.  
  
Crowd: YAYYYY! WHOA WHOOO!  
  
*Kagome and Inu-yasha blush*  
  
Inu-yasha: Let's go find out what hotel that monk went to before Kikyo kills him.  
  
Kagome: Okay.  
  
*They walk out the doors, holding hands*  
  
Jerry: Now-it's time- for our thought-of the-day.Screw it. Call me an ambulance.  
  
*Jerry drops down to the ground*  
  
Women #1: He's dead!  
  
Crowd: YAYY!  
  
Man #2: I get his credit cards!  
  
Women #2: I want his underwear!  
  
Women #3: NO! I WANT THEM!  
  
*Crowd starts throwing fist. Trying to get to Jerry.*  
  
Sango: Well, I wonder if Steve wants a doughnut. Oh Stevie boy! Where'd you go?  
  
*Sango skips out the doors* 


	3. Update of the most unforgetable guests

Crowd: Baldy! Baldy! Baldy!  
  
*The camera skims through the crowd, showing the same old trailer trash people, cheering*  
  
Crowd: Baldy! Baldy! Baldy!  
  
Steve: Wow! Thank you! Thank you all! Welcome to "THE EX-GUARD NOW TALKSHOW HOST STEVE SHOW"! Today is a special "THE EX-GUARD NOW TALKSHOW HOST STEVE SHOW". I will be bringing back our most unforgettable guest from the Late Jerry Springer Show to see how they are doing. As you all may know, Jerry, God bless his soul, has recently passed away.  
  
Crowd: Boo-whoooo-whoooo!  
  
Steve: *sniffle* I know! He was my buddy! *sniffle*  
  
Women #1: Yeah! I got his underwear! I'll never forget him!  
  
Women #2: YOU?! You were the one that got them?! Why I oughta!  
  
Women #1: Do it then!  
  
*Miroku runs out from back stage*  
  
Miroku: Ladies, ladies. Please. Why don't we go to the backroom and talk about this?  
  
*A fat lady, weighing in at about 400lbs, stands and winks at the monk*  
  
Women #3: I got something we can talk about, bucko, we can share a 6 pack and chat, if ya know what I mean-hehe.  
  
Miroku: Ya know? On second thought, I'm kinda busy, you know, hehe, and um, well, they're about to call us out. Heh, bye!  
  
* Cameras follow Miroku as he runs backstage, looking like he was bout ready to puke. Sango and Kagome step up to him and start rubbing him on the back*  
  
Sango: There, there.  
  
Kagome: That should teach you not to hit on every girl you see. You might get more than you bargain for.  
  
Inu-yasha: Feh. About 300lbs more than you bargain for.  
  
*Miroku, with his demon possessed hand, seizes the moment to grope the girls* Kagome: EEEEE!  
  
Sango: MONK!  
  
*Inu-yasha hits him on the head*  
  
Inu-yasha: That was dumb, monk.  
  
Miroku: It was worth the pain.  
  
Inu-yasha: Yeah, well, next time ya do it, you won't be able to figure if it was worth the pain or not.  
  
Miroku: ouch.  
  
*Camera's now shows Steve standing in between the two girls, still fighting over the underwear, trying to referee the fight.  
  
Steve: Ladies! To solve the problem, I'll give one of you MY underwear! How's that?  
  
Women #1 & 2: REALLY?  
  
Steve: Yeah.  
  
Women #1: Here. You can have Jerry's, I want Steve's.  
  
Women #2: No! I want Steve's!  
  
Steve: Aw! Forget them. Let's welcome our first set of guest! Inu-yasha and Kagome!  
  
*Inu-yasha and Kagome can be seen walking out, holding hands, smiling.*  
  
Crowd: Awwwww!  
  
Steve: Welcome back.  
  
Kagome: Thanks Steve!  
  
Steve: Wow. You sound happy. Looking at you two, every thing seems to be well. How's life?  
  
Kagome: GREAT!  
  
Inu-yasha: Feh.  
  
Steve: Oh? You don't agree, Inu-yasha? Inu-yasha: Of course not.  
  
Kagome: What? What's the matter?  
  
Inu-yasha: It's not you. It's that dumb monk. Now that we are going-out, or, um, I think we are.  
  
Kagome: *Giggle* He's so cute.  
  
Women #4: That he is!  
  
Kagome: What? What did you say? Don't look at him. Eye's off! Taken property!  
  
Inu-yasha: Kagome, it's ok.  
  
Women #4: He'd take me over you any day, honey.  
  
Kagome: Wanna bet?!  
  
Women #4: What if I do?!  
  
*Women #4 walks down out of the crowd onto the stage*  
  
Kagome: You better sit down if you know what's good for you.  
  
Women #4: Hey there, hottie. How's it going?  
  
Inu-yasha: Um, uh, um.  
  
Women #4: How about smashing this joint, and you and I go watch Fear Factor?  
  
Inu-yasha: Um.  
  
*The Women bends down, right in front of Inu-yasha  
  
Women #4: Please?  
  
Kagome: I said! You better sit down if you know what's good for you.  
  
Women #4: I don't know what's good for me. Why don't you tell me shortcake?  
  
*Kagome runs full speed into the woman*  
  
Kagome: YOU ASKED FOR IT, YOU WENCH!  
  
*They crash into the chairs and fly over the back of them. Miroku and Sango walk out.*  
  
Miroku: Wow. Where did Kagome learn those moves?  
  
Inu-yasha: Don't ask me.  
  
*Sango blows on her nails, then rubs them on her blouse*  
  
Sango: Heh. She's been training.  
  
*Kagome picks the woman up and slams her into the wall. The set falls over.*  
  
Inu-yasha: I'd say.  
  
Steve: HEY! Where's my guard? Who's going to separate those two?! They're going to tear the whole place up!  
  
Inu-yasha: Thata girl, Kagome! Right hook! Left-upper-cut! Go girl!  
  
Miroku: Should I break them up?  
  
Inu-yasha: What for? As long as Kagome's not getting hurt, all's well. She's just getting a little excersise.  
  
*Kagome throws the woman down on the ground. She sits on her stomach and starts banging the back of the woman's head onto the concrete floor.*  
  
Kagome: EEEEE! Don't ever say anything like that to me ever again. He's Mine! MINE! MINE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Inu-yasha runs over to her and pulls her off of the woman*  
  
Inu-yasha: Okay. Okay. I think she understands that you don't want her looking at me.  
  
Miroku: I don't think she's heard anything Kagome's said since they flew over the back of the chairs.  
  
Kagome: huff, huff, huff.  
  
Steve: Okay. Well. Time for a commercial I guess. Be right back.  
  
*Screen fades to a Pikachu, eating a piece of Juicy Fruit Gum*  
  
Pikachu: Pika?  
  
Ash: Hey there Pikachu! Can I have a piece of Juicy Fruit Gum?  
  
Pikachu: Pika!  
  
Ash: No?! Come on, Pikachu. Please?!  
  
Pikachu: PIKA!  
  
Ash: Give me a piece!  
  
Pikachu: PI-KA-CHU!!!!!!!  
  
*A flash of lightning is seen flying out of the small creature, zapping the boy*  
  
Ash: owwwww.  
  
Pikachu: Chuuuuu.  
  
*Pikachu skips away, happily humming the Pokemon theme song.*  
  
Juicy Fruit Man: Pick up a pack of Juicy Fruit Gum, and stop Moochers from stealing YOUR gum. Pikachu not included.  
  
Pikachu: Chu?  
  
*Screen fades back to Steve, now standing over his new and fully destroyed set.*  
  
Steve: Look at my beautiful set! It's ruined! RUINED!  
  
Miroku: I think we better leave now.  
  
Inu-yasha: Coward.  
  
Steve: GET THEM! DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! THEY RUINED MY SET! MY BEAUTIFUL SET!  
  
*The crowd starts running towards our heros*  
  
Inu-yasha: On second thought-  
  
*Inu-yasha grabs Kagome and takes off towards the doors. Miroku reaches for Sango, but she slaps him and starts running for the door*  
  
Sango: Notice, Inu-yasha grabbed her hand, not her rear.  
  
Miroku: Right. *A day after the show on the set*  
  
Steve: MY STAGE. OH MY WONDERFUL STAGE!  
  
*Kikyo steps out of the darkness*  
  
Kikyo: Have you seen Inu-yasha? I know I can't be far behind! I can feel him.  
  
Steve: AHHHHH! PHSYCO WOMAN! RUN! RUN! RUN!!!!!!!!  
  
Kikyo: Hmmm. Why is everyone in this building running from me? 


End file.
